I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
