so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
