shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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