No stitches, just platelets and will power
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
