i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
