I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
