Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
