if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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