pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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