break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
