how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
