i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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