he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My vagina is officially offended.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
