Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
