We named our party play list daddy issues
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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