sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
