In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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