guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
