But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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