guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
