he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
