Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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