It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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