I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize