Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
