does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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