Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
