he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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