The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize