you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
