I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
