Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
