Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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