I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
