sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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