I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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