What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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