remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
