just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
