I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
