who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Randomize
