Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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