Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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