Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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