and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
