you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
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You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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