sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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