called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
