did you get engaged???
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
