You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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