One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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