I wish I only lived at night.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
