you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
