saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
wanna go halves on a baby?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
