I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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