I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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