the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she smelled like a LAN party
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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