What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
