absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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