OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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