i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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