so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
