We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
