my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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