Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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