I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Boobs speak an international language.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
