Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
