I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
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stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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