Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
