Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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