her vagine was all disorganized.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
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I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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